Why English?

I live in Colombia, I grew up in Panama…I’m completely latin and spanish is the only language spoken in my family. However, I went to an all-english international school where english was the main language to communicate with other people from all over the world. Not everyone was like me, not everyone spoke english so much but my group of close friends were all bilingual and english was the language we were most comfortable speaking between us. Either way, in Panama people speak in english and I have the capability of switching from english to spanish in the same sentence (english speakers as well as spanish speakers and bilingual people get very confused when my friends and I talk and switch up so much)
Today I was asked “why english? why blog in english about all your personal stuff?” and I think some of the people that read this also wonder the same thing. For me, talking about my feelings and the “important” stuff that’s going on with me isn’t easy and when I talk to myself or when I talk in my head in english, about how I’m feeling, its like an outside voice. I hear myself in english and it simply makes me sort my thoughts out a little better, its like I need to detach myself a little and look in to understand what is going on with myself. I need to de-tach myself from, well, me. And “me” is spanish, its my native tongue, its my heritage, my family, everything. To really try to understand what is going on with myself and express it out onto the world I need to take some distance to find what I really want or need to say and feel.

I’m not sure this post made any sense at all, it was much more clear in my therapy session today, I swear. Not really sure who out there reads any of this, but anyone feel the same way or somewhat similar? Does whatever I just said make any sense?



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