From 2018

From an old journal found today, July 14th, 2022. These words were written sometime in the 2nd semester of 2018 and I don’t believe it’s a coincidence I find them today…a day after realizing how embedded my fear of ever feeling this way again and what that fear is capable of making me do. 



Taken advantage of

A fool



Too trusting

Too open

Too native

Every day I struggle to convince myself “I am enough, I am whole, I am good.”

Every day I try to let go, to be free from the pain, the anger, the doubt.


And I wonder if you understand

This is not an ego thing -I keep her in check-

This is a heart thing.

A life thing.

It’s losing a part of me I was proud of.

It’s closing myself to the future and accepting that because of this I won’t ever be the same.

No one will know the me you knew. No one will feel the trust you felt.

 You took that from meand everyone I’ll meet.

It’s not a me vs. her. It’s a me vs. me and it’s the most exhausting battle to fight.



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