I’m a ball of emotion right now.


Last night I went to bed at 3.30 a.m, Mr. P told me he would be coming home in a van that was rented because they were on the outskirts of the city, its a dangerous road, and they were in party mode celebrating a friends b-day. He had also promised to take Martina to her 8 am class this morning.
My alarm goes off 6:45 a.m and Mr. P is no where to be seen. The light I left outside for him is still on, the bed is untouched, he never came home. – A little parenthesis here: After my brother died unexpectedly I tend to imagine the worst in cases like these. It can be a little paranoid but It just happens, I worry easily and a lot – So I start dialing his cellphone number and no one picks up, it rings and rings and nothing. I text a friend whom I know was with him earlier in the night but I know he’s at kung fu class so won’t answer, I text the b-day boy’s brother asking if he knew anything about where Pacho was, all this while I keep on calling and calling him. His cellphone turned off – I freaked out. Now, here in Bogotá I don’t only worry about a car accident but theft and assault so when his phone turned off I said to myself “Ok, someone either turned it off or his battery died” and started bawling because I was so concerned!


B-day-boy’s-brother texts me back, Mr. P is at his house, he’s asleep. Now, at this point im shaking and crying like a crazy person imagining the worst. Im SO relieved that he is alright and at the same time I want to kill him! Why didn’t he just text me?! He knows I freak out easily! And also, he promised he would take Martina to her class and I would accompany him if I was feeling well (I planned on drinking last night and my hangovers are AWFUL so he was gonna be in charge of Martina). I was pissed since last night, I really wanted to celebrate being done with school and he promised he would get back early then decided to stay a bit longer, then a bit longer, and clearly a bit longer.


I am so angry at him for scaring me how he did, yet so happy to know that he is fine. I hate that I went to bed annoyed at him because he didn’t come home to celebrate with me!  I am aware at all times that life is too short-that you should never go to bed with a grudge because you never know what can happen and yet I went to bed annoyed (trying not to be and rationalize his decision to stay). And, whats worst, I’m still pissed at him! He promised he would come, he promised to take Martina, and I hate being mad still but I am and I think thats fine. If I just act as if nothing had happened and swallow everything its eventually going to be a lot worst…so basically I think our first fight (at least on my side) is coming up today. No more Mr(s) Nice Guy!