Beautiful Sadness

Someone once asked me “where do you feel it? The sadness” and I paused and answered, “not entirely sure…I think in my chest.” And he hugged me as tears rolled down my cheeks.

Sadness is a painfully beautiful emotion to feel. It means you hurt, which means you cared…you loved. It can creep up on you unexpectedly, slowly making its way throughout your day and suddenly a simple miscommunication can be the breaking point that was building up and you weren’t even aware of it. It can pop up too, startling you in the midst of a business meeting or while you’re drinking a coffee…it can be as easy as hearing the lyrics to a song, smelling someone’s cologne, or seeing a picture. It can feel light as a feather you walk around with in your pocket, or like a ton of bricks that you’re forced to drag with every step… it can hurt -physically hurt. As if someone has dug a hole in your chest and a waterfall just pours intensely in, and no matter how hard you try to gasp for air the water keeps pushing in, incessantly, violently. You feel the water rising and it can literally make it hard to breathe, there’s a point where you might even begin to worry and call out for help. But that intensity, that pain, that sadness, in a way…it makes you feel alive, it forces you to be conscient of breathing, it connects you with that little part of you inside that is so easily forgotten under layers and layers of daily moments. So, when I feel sadness creeping in, I know I need to brace myself. I’ll look at the sunset for longer (my daily reminder that everything passes) and even though I try to fight it, there’s always a point where it’s best to surrender, embrace it, let the waterfall flow until there’s no energy left, and go to sleep with a teary face…because just like the sunset, this beautiful sadness will also pass and a new day will arrive.