I have been in Hong Kong for the past three weeks. On Dec. 26th I signed my contract to come work here for four months in an outdoor education company. A few days ago I decided to read the contract and realized the date I signed it. I had received the offer 2 weeks prior but hadn’t made up my mind about it. I thought over and over about it, about going home or staying, and really wasn’t convinced about any decision (as usual). I realized that the decision -the final decision- to come here and experience this new culture, place, job, came from a moment of great personal pain. I was feeling incredibly lonely, in a hotel room with nothing but 2L of water, a pint of Hagen Dazs, a big bag of chips, some sad break-up playlist blasting on my Spotify and puffy eyes from crying. I was waiting to go to Cambodia for my yoga retreat, I had no one around me, but I felt cared for and loved from the other side of the world. Off course a part of me wanted to go back home to the safety of my parents arms, to the warmth of my own bed, to the laughs with my friends, to everything I know. I remember being very aware of that feeling, of that yearning, and taking the conscious decision that because this was a hard moment for me, precisely because of that, I was not going to return home and instead I was going to take the harder road, the unknown path, the adventure. I decided no one else’s actions would determine my own path, and that if I was going to do as I preached then I SHOULD leave the comfort zone and take the risk, accept the job and fly out to the unknown.
It’s a decision I don’t regret one little bit. I look back at it and feel so grateful for the pain I felt then, for the tears, for the extreme loneliness. I feel proud of myself for not taking the easy way out, for taking care of myself, for focusing on healing, on living, on growing. I am proud of the decisions I’ve taken, of the experiences I’ve lived and feel content with who I am. Again (and as usual) I don’t know what will be of me four months down the road, I do not know how I’ll feel, or where I’ll be, but right now -today- I feel surprisingly calm about this, with a feeling inside that tells me, “Whatever happens, It’s going to be OK,” and its a wonderful feeling to have…tranquility.