Self-love

Yesterday during a meditation I realized how little self-love I had, if any at all. This is reflected on how easily I allowed someone else’s actions towards me break me down, make me feel worth-less and little. It was a harsh realization, it brought tears to my face, sadness to my heart and left me feeling concerned. All my life I have been under the impression of being super confident yet for many years I have been jumping from relationship to relationship (not all very meaning but still had me emotionally involved), having this need of attention and acceptance – even though it might not even be from someone I loved or even cared too much about. You could say I have been faking the self-love and confidence for too long, primarily to myself which then is easily acted out to others. I remembered a friend who told me very clearly something very true ”You are a giver. But you cannot give that what you lack.” And I am. I am caring and giving, preoccupied with other people’s needs, others people emotions and feelings so much that I will many times ignore my needs or desires. This is why many times I end up feeling angry, anxious or frustrated from saying yes to so many people and commitments and then end up not even enjoying doing those things I would normally enjoy doing. I cannot keep giving and giving. It’s like I’m a cup that’s just gone empty and now I’m left with this important question about self-love and how to get it.

I can’t say I have the answer. I honestly don’t have a clue and this has left me feeling so lost and questioned… how do you fall in love with yourself? How do you fill up the cup? I know it’s important to learn to say no, to focus on your needs and feed yourself things that make you feel good (doesn’t mean eating 3 donuts a day or something like that though). But this doesn’t feel like enough…