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Clearly I’m a newbie in the blogging world.
Yey! I did it! After many attempts and apparently I wasn’t the only one having problems.
So, it happened…I said goodbye to Bogota and it was a lot harder than I thought. I mean, I know I’m going back in a month and I’ll see everyone again but still…it was tough. It’s closing a whole cycle of my life, four years of my life were spent there…I met friends, I traveled, I lived! Still, it didn’t hit me until I was saying goodbye at the airport to some of my friends and Mr. P’s family who has taken me in with so much love.
Saying bye to Mr. P was definitely much, much harder than I expected, I think harder than we both thought it would be. I can’t imagine what it must have felt for him…not saying bye to me but saying goodbye to his home city, to his family and friends, and going to a whole new country where he doesn’t know anyone at all to start a new life! Heck, I’m nervous for him!
I know I will see Mr. P in a month for a few days, I know it was me who made the decision not to go with him, to venture on my own for this self-exploration that I need to do…but still, there were a couple of times when we were waiting for my plane to beard that I doubted myself, I doubted my decision, there were a few seconds where I said to myself “are you really sure about what you’re doing?” but then I knew, I know, it is the right thing.
I am aware that things might not be the same with Mr. P after I get back, that I might stay in Panama or find somewhere else to go in life, but it is a risk I feel I have to take. I cannot go through life wondering what could have been, and then find myself in five years regretting decisions I did or didn’t take. Many people asked him if he wasn’t nervous, why he would “let” me do such a thing and his response and his support towards me just shows what a wonderful man he is…he understands me, he knows what I mean and I know that he needs his space to. He needs to be on his own as well, figure things out, what it’s like to be alone not in Moms house or with his girlfriend but really “out there”.
Truth is right now I miss him a lot…I know he’s alone in a hotel room and Im just very nostalgic about those last moments of the day, when we would cuddle in bed and tell each other everything about our day, being silly and petting Martina. Those little moments are the ones I miss the most and would love to have for just a few minutes daily…
Goodnight for today, start working tomorrow morning and I’m sure it’s going to be a long first day (aren’t they always?)